


Facebook Chats

by aphunks



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: I'll Die One Day, Multi, some stupid chat fic again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-11-16 18:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11258700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphunks/pseuds/aphunks
Summary: kids these days with their. phones and shit.





	1. yeaaaaaaaaaah boi

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna make a blog of this stupid shit eh

_Kaede Akamatsu updated her status:_ Happy birthday Ouma! Hope you have a wonderful year  <3

Kaito Momota: Wtf why did no one mention this earlier this week 

Maki Harukawa: Because no one cares.  

Kokchi Ouma : So RUDE. I'll let you know that my followers will be throwing a party for me and you're not invited >:)

Maki Harukawa: I'm glad. 

Tenko Chabashira: Ew who would follow you 

Kaede Akamatsu: Hey guys! Maybe we should be nice to him?? It's his birthday after all

Maki Harukawa: Pass.

Ryoma Hoshi: ^

Gonta Gokuhara: Gonta wishes you a happy birthday! 

Kirumi Tojo: Yes, you may be rude and quite threatening at times, but I wish you the very best year. 

Amami Rantaro: I hope your year sucks tbh

Kokch Ouma: You're not invited anymore :(

 

 

GontaGokuhara _has updated his status_ : Happy Birthday to my close buddy Ouma Kokichi! :D

Kaito Momota: PURE

Kaede Akamatsu: omfg Gonta you are the best thing that has happened to this class

Kokchi Ouma: Thanks! I guess...

Tenko Chabashira: I GUESS? HE MAKES A POST FOR YOU AND YOU SAY I GUESS? SO TYPICAL OF MEN TO DO THIS!!!!

Kokichi Ouma: stop yelling, please

Shuichi Saihara: This is a Facebook post?

Kaito Momota: Can y'all stop fucking commenting on this my phone is vibrating every second

Kokichi Ouma: H

Kokichi  Ouma: i

Kokichi Ouma: w

Kokichi Ouma: h

Kokichi Ouma: a

Kokichi Ouma: t

Kokichi Ouma: s

Kokichi Ouma: u

Kokichi Ouma: p

_This post has been deleted due to several complaints._

 

Kiibo _has updated his status_ : How does a train eat? It goes chew chew!

Kokichi Ouma: this is actually horrible 

Kiibo: What? I thought it was funny :(

Miu Iruma: don't listen to him Kiibo, he's just pissed off because they said he was too short to ride the rollercoaster at the amusement park and that he looks like a fucking kid lmaoooo

Kokichi Ouma: THATS NOT TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT 

Kaede Akamatsu: Good joke Kiibo!

Miu Iruma: stfu I was right there, the guy at the stand said you look like you belong in toys r us. even Ryoma got in 

Rantaro Amami: that's actually hilarious, the joke and the fact that you're like 5 LOL

Ryoma Hoshi: You've been beat, son. 

Kokichi Ouma: watch your mouth gremlin

Ryoma Hoshi: I would rethink my words if I were you. 

Tsumugi Shirogane: oh shit!

Kiibo: Please don't fight on my post!

Kokichi Ouma: Meet me in the DMS cryptid >:)

 _Kokichi Ouma has gone offline._  

Ryoma Hoshi: Of course. 

Tsumugi Shirogane: rip

 

_Shuichi Saihara has sent everyone an invite to play farmville._

Kokichi Ouma: LMAOO ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS

Shuichi Saihara:  shit I didn't mean to do that

Angie Yonaga: Angie will play with you!! She loves farmville!!!

Miu Iruma: wtf Angie

Kaito Momota: Who even plays famville anymore? 

Himiko Yumeno: ...Me

Angie Yonaga: Angie does! She's level 14!

Kiibo: What is farmville?

Rantaro Amami: Nothing Kiibo

Shuichi Saihara: It's actually a really fun game, you should play with me Kiibo

Kokichi Ouma: you should NOT robot! 

Kiibo: I have a name!!! 

Kokichi Ouma: Ok Kibot, please don't play Farmville with that excuse of a detective 

Shuichi Saihara: go fuck yourself 

Kokichi Ouma: I already do

Miu Iruma: fucking stop you dipshits

Kaede Akamatsu: what the hell is this??? Please don't say these things near Kiibo...

Kiibo: What are they talking about? 

Tsumugi Shirogane: Well, you see

Kaede Akamatsu: STOP

Kaito Momota: I'm literally about to fucking delete my account 

Tsumugi Shirgane: when someone is lonely and

Kokichi Ouma: Wait are you calling me lonely???

Rantaro Amami: are you implying you're not? 

Kokichi Ouma: stfu I have more bitches than you 

Shuichi Saihara: anyone else here wanna add me on farmville?

Miu Iruma: NO ONE LIKES FARMVILLE SHUT UP

Shuchi Saihara: .....

Rantaro Amami: haha I thought Kiibo's joke was funny but that was good!

Kiibo: It was...

Gonta Gokuhara: Can Gonta play with you all? 

Kokichi Ouma: Gonta if you start playing farmville, we're not friends anymore.

Gonta Gokuhara: That's no good! Gonta wants to be friends with everyone D:

Kaede Akamatsu: Don't threaten him please he doesn't deserve it 

Maki Harukawa: ...I'll add you Saihara. 

Kokichi Ouma: WHAT

Miu Iruma: MAKI??? WHAT THE FUCK YOU PLAY FARMVILLE?

Maki Harukawa: No need for caps Iruma, and yes, I do. 

Kaito Momota: Does anyone know how to download the game to a mac? 

Kaede Akamatsu: I think we should use a group chat if every post is gonna be like this...

Kirumi Tojo: Agreed. This is taking an excessive amount of space and just completely destroying my notifications. 

Kokichi Ouma: Shuichi I'll play Huniepop with you though :D

Shuichi Saihara: Okay.

Suichi Saihara: This post is gonna be shut down. 

_No one is allowed to comment anymore._

 

 

_A new group chat has been created by Kaede Akamatsu._

_Shuichi Saihara and 13 others were added._

Kaede: Okay, we should keep the comments to a minimum 

Ryoma: I'm leaving this. 

_Ryoma Hoshi has left the conversation._

Rantaro Amami: Wow Ouma hasn't even spoken yet and someone left

_Kaede Akamatsu has added Ryoma Kokichi back into the conversation._

Kaede: Please don't leave :(

Kokichi: You're seriously going to attack me already????

Ryoma: Ugh. 

Miu: Finally somewhere I can post my nsfw pics too

Shuichi: uhhh what

Kiibo: What does nsfw mean?

Ryoma: Iruma, you better be careful. 

Maki: If I see one nsfw work picture here I'm blocking all of you except Kaede, Kiibo and Gonta. 

Kaito: what about me :(

Maki: Don't think you're special just because we watched The Notebook together. 

Tsumugi: wait what? 

Kaede: OMG what?? that's so cute 

Angie: Angie thinks so too! uwu

Korekiyo: Hmm...Interesting.

Tenko: Tenko wonders why Harukawa would be near such a dirty boy and why they would watch such a terrible film

Maki: Trust me, I didn't like it either. 

Kaito: But you cried! D:

Maki:...

Rantaro: Maki cried? LMAO?

_Maki Harukawa has left the conversation._

Kaede: Uhhhh Momota, I think you embarrassed her 

Tenko: idiot boy

Kaito: oh shit 

Kokichi: Screenshotted!

Angie: poor Harukawa 3:

Miu: is that a fucking reverse cat face to make it look sad 

Kaede: you better apologize :/

Kaito: she blocked me :(

Tsumugi: omg rip

Rantaro: same

Kokichi: I don't think she ever let me add her before so uhhhh

Kaede: sigh...I'll talk to her

 

 

 _Angie Yonaga has updated her status_ : Kami-Sama has blessed up all today for summer is coming soon!

Miu Iruma: yeah!!! fuck school!!!

Shuichi Saihara: uhh you shouldn't be saying that, school is actually very important and you need it for your future to learn and better you chances of success in life

Miu Iruma: and fuck saihara too! bitch ass detective I'm already smarter than every teacher there

Shuichi Saihara: is that why you failed math? 

Miu Iruma: why are you so mean??? I'm gonna go cry...

Kiibo: Don't cry!

Tenko Chabashira: fucking boys always make girls cry smh, keep an eye open when you're sleeping tonight 

Shuichi Saihara: .....

 

 

_Rantaro Amami has a question._

What should I be for Halloween? 

Miu Iruma: A stripper ;)

Rantaro Amami: not again :/ you know how many weird people I got last year, coming up to me and stuff?

Miu Iruma: whats the problem with that???

Gonta Gokuhara: Gonta thinks you should be a beetle! They're very cute and fun!

Kaito Momota: lmaoooo that image just came to my head, I agree with Gonta on that one 

Rantaro Amami: I'll do that if you dress up as Patrick the STAR

Kaito Momota: are you making fun of my talent?

Kokichi Ouma: my boyfriend? ;)

Ryoma Hoshi: Hm, yeah that's pretty scary if I may say so. 

Miu Iruma: LMAO

Rantaro Amami: ...Thinking about that makes my head hurt 

Kokichi Ouma: WOW

 

_Group chat_

 

Kaito: any1 wanna hang out next Saturday? 

Shuichi: I'm free. What do you wanna do? 

Kaito: we should go to the amusement park with everyone again, last time was a blast

Kokichi Ouma has come online: 

Kokichi: that place sucks

Kaito: okay shorty

_Rantaro Amami has come online._

_Kaede Akamatsu has come online._

_Miu Iruma has come online._

Miu: YES! WE SHOULD! 

Shuichi: wow, enthusiastic 

Rantaro: she's drunk, I think

Miu: you're hijwrong lmao

Kaede: Miu please stay safe

Kaede: also lemme have some...

Rantaro: saem

Shuichi: Kaede!

Kaede: omg just kidding

Rantaro: i'm not

Miu: com e tokjmy room then ;)

Kaito: ok

Miu: wtf not you

Kaito: wow. fine I'll get my own, you with my Shuichi? Akamatsu? 

Kokichi: I am :D

Shuichi: we're underage...that's illegal

Kaede: I must refuse, I have a date tmmr

Rantaro: WOAH

Kaito: doesn't matter Shuichi ;D

Miu: tittymatsyu has akj date? omfghj who 

Kirumi _Tojo has come online._

Kaito: oh damn

Kaede: it's a secret ;)

Rantaro: is it Shuichi

Kaede: omfg no, how many times have I said we're friends??

Suichi: yeah...

Kokichi: wow this is sad

_Tsumugi Shirogane has come online._

Angie Yonaga has come online. 

Tsumugi: OMG YOU HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING WHEN YOU'RE DONE!!!!

Kaede: oh wow hi guys

Angie: hiiiiii

Kaede: and of course I will :)

Kaito: do we know the guy Kaede? 

Kaede: no 

Angie: Angie wants to meet him!!! ^-^

Miu: guys ummmmmmmmmm I need help

Kiibo _has come online._

_Tenko Chabashira has come online._

Kiibo _:_ hello _everyone!_

Kiibo: Oh D: what's wrong???

Tenko: YOU BETTER MAKE ME MEET HIM AKAMATSU, SO I CAN MAKE SURE YOU'RE SAFE!!!!

Kaede: ahhh...yes I assure you he's good 

Rantaro: where's our detective???

Kokichi: nishishi probably crying in his room

Shuichi: stfu I'm right here 

Kiibo: guys is Iruma okay??

Kokichi: it's okay everyone cries

Kaito: Maki unblocked me! fuck yes!

Tsumugi: I can give you an outfit if you want, for your date!

Kaede: aww that would be nice :)

Kiibo: does anyone know whats wrong with Iruma???

Rantaro: she's drunk

Shuichi: I hate my life

Kiibo: whats is 'drunk'? 

Kaede: oh no

Miu: y'all are soooo mean I just had to fight a demon by myself

Kaito: demon?

Kokichi: Harukawa just came out of her room holding bottles of alcohol 

Kaede Akamatsu has added Maki Harukawa to the group chat. 

Kaede: yeah, says she doesn't wanna see kids getting drunk

Kaede: and that she needs some herself

Miu: ffs :(

 _Shuichi_ Saihara _has gone offline._

Kokichi: he's crying lmao

Kaede: Shuichi D:

_Kaede Akamatsu has gone offline._

_Ryoma Hoshi has come online._

Ryoma: Why am I still here?

_Ryoma Hoshi has gone offline._

_Miu Iruma has gone offline._

Kiibo _has gone offline._

_Maki Harukawa has come online._

Maki: She is way too immature. 

Kirumi: Thank you Harukawa, I would prefer not to clean up the after mess tomorrow morning. 

Maki: Yeah, no problem. 

Maki: Kaito, you idiot you better not be drinking too. 

Kaito: hwat?

Rantaro: lmao

Maki: I'm coming over. 

Kaito: fuck

_Kaito Momota has gone offline._

_Maki Harukawa has gone offline._

Tsumugi: Damn everyone getting lit tonight

Tsumugi: I'm gonna go watch anime and turn this off because I don't wanna get spammed

_Tsumugi Shirogane has gone offline._

Rantaro: Hmm. Who's still here?

Kokichi: Me :D

_Rantaro Amami has gone offline._

Kokichi: Rude. 

_Kokichi Ouma has gone offline._

Kirumi _Tojo has gone offline._

_Korekiyo Shinguuji has come online._

Tenko: Oh hell no

_Tenko Chabashira has gone offline._

Korekiyo: Did I do something? 

Angie: wow :o Tenko seems to have a grudge

Korekiyo: May I ask why? 

Angie: Angie doesn't know D:

Korekiyo: Are we the only two online? 

Angie: Angie thinks so!! how is your day? :3

Korekiyo: It's alright. Yours?

Angie: Angie always has a great day :D all thanks to Kami-Sama

_Himiko Yumeno has come online._

Himiko: Oh wow...so many messages

Korekiyo: Indeed. 

Korekiyo: Are we all still going to the amusement park this Saturday? That topic of conversation really seemed to drift off...

Angie: we should :3 

Himiko: I'm going whether I'm alone or not

Angie: Angie will go with you ! uwu

Korekiyo: Is it alright if I join you two? 

Himiko: eh sure

Korekiyo: Wonderful. I must go to sleep now as it is late. Good night you two. 

Angie: Angie says good night! 

Himiko: night 

_Korekiyo Shinguuji has gone offline._

Angie: The sleep gods are calling Angie zzzz

 _Angie_ Yonaga _has gone offline._

Himiko: why am I always alone in the end? 

_Himiko Yumeno has gone offline._

 

 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is short but I posted 2 so be grateful

_Miu_ Iruma _has invited everyone to her wedding._

Kaito Momota: honestly what the fuck is happening anymore

Kaede Akamatsu: Are you okay??? why this????

Kiibo: Iruma what :o

Miu Iruma: oh my god who did that

Miu Iruma: fuck you 

Kaito Momota: did you get hacked or something?

Rantaro Amami: is it weird I believed this?

Miu Iruma: FUCK YOU I'M SO PISSED RN 

Kiibo: I'll try finding out who did this!

_This post has been deleted._

 

 _Tenko Chabashira has updated her status_ : I'm straight y'all. 

Tenko Chabashira: lies! what dirty man did this!!!!???

Tenko Chabashira: JK! Guys I'm in love with Kokichi Ouma <3

Kokichi Ouma: Ily2 babe <3

Miu Iruma: WTF 

Kaede Akamatsu: what is happening here??? 

Kaito Momota: HAHAHAHAH

Tenko Chabashira: I will make love to him every nightttttt omggg

Himiko Yumeno: Tenko why 

Kiibo: Another hacker???? 

Tenko Chabashira: GUYS I WAS HACKED...I WOULD NEVER LIKE A DIRTY BOY SUCH AS OUMA!!!!!

Tenko Chabashira: AND TO SAY I'M STRAIGHT....THIS SLANDER!!!!! NOT OKAY!!!

Kokichi Ouma: Babe why D:

_This post has been deleted by the poster._

 

_Kaede Akamatsu is now in a relationship with Rantaro Amami._

Kokichi Ouma: I FEEL FUCKING BETRAYED

Rantaro Amami: Huh...

Shuichi Saihara: Kaede? 

Tsumugi Shirogane: This hacker sure is creative...I mean this is half believable

Kokichi Ouma: FUCK YOU NO ITS NOT

Miu Iruma: Someones fucking salty lmaooooo

Kaede Akamatsu: omg NOOOO why me hacker???

Kaede Akamatsu: Guys this is fake!!!!!!! I would never!!!!

Rantaro Amami: ouch

Kokichi Ouma: I'M FUCKING DELETING YOU AMAMI

Rantaro Amami: oh, thnx

Shuichi Saihara: Don't worry Kaede, I'll find out who's doing this.

Tsumugi Shirogane: oh shit we got a detective AND a robot on the case

 

 

Groupchat

_Kaede Akamatsu has come online._

_Shuichi_ Saihara _has come online._

_Ryoma Hoshi has come online._

Kiibo _has come online._

_Miu Iruma has come online._

_Rantaro Amami has come online._

Kaede: Guys we have to take care of this hacker!!

Kiibo: I still can't get anything, this person knows how to stay hidden! 

Rantaro: It has to be someone in our group. I think Kokichi

Miu: yeah only that dipshit would do that

_Tsumugi Shirogane has come online._

Tsumugi: Hi y'all 

Kaede: Hi Tsumugi, you have any idea who this hacker could be? :/

Tsumugi: What about Kokichi ;p

Shuichi: We also think that...

_Himiko Yumeno has come online._

Himiko: Tenko is so angry she's kicking things and 'practicing' her neo akido on a punching bag with Kokichi's face on it

Miu: lmao

Ryoma: It's not him. 

Kaede: Huh? 

Ryoma: It's not Kokichi, as annoying as he is. 

Miu: Who the fuck is it then? 

_Ryoma Hoshi has gone offline._

Kiibo: :O

Miu: The fuck? 

Kaede: Oh no! Why did he do that? 

Ryoma Hoshi has come online. 

Ryoma: You'll never catch me punksssss, I know all of your secrets so don't mess with me >:)

Ryoma Hoshi has gone offline. 

Rantaro: rip him

Tsumugi: Hm.

Kaede: All our secrets? how? 

Shuichi: Maybe we should be careful...This person got a hold of Hoshi quite fast...

 _Angie_ Yonaga _has come online._

_Kokichi Ouma has come online._

Kokichi: WHO'S TALKING SHIT? 

Rantaro: Literally, everyone here

Kokichi: Fuck you all

Kokichi: I wouldn't go through the trouble of hacking you guys -_- I'm not that terrible of a person

Miu: lmao sure

Himiko: Tenko might murder you so you should tell her that before you die 

Kokichi: wtf

_Korekiyo Shinguuji has come online._

_Tenko Chabashira has come online._

_Kaito Momota has come online._

Tenko: KOKICHI YOU'RE A DEAD MAN 

Kokichi: It wasn't me! o_o

Angie: don't use an emoticon ever again that's Angie's thing uwu

Kaito: lmaooo what is happening 

Korekiyo: I'd like to say I was hacked too. They made me like every Hannah Montana fan page on facebook...

Angie: that American show?? angie loves that show :3

Korekiyo: Yes...That one. 

Kaito: that's pretty funny actually 

Kaede: Guys! be careful I don't want people's privacy to be violated!

Korekiyo: Hm? 

Tenko: TENKO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT PRIVACY ANYMORE TENKO WILL CUT A BITCH

Kokichi: guys I'm scared

Rantaro: heh good 

Shuichi: ok ok lets all chill and contact Ryoma. IRL

 _Shuichi_ Saihara _has gone offline._

Kaede: damnit. we are dropping like flies

_Maki Harukawa has come online._

Maki: Wow. I haven't been on all day and everyone gets hacked. 

Tenko: I'M COMING FOR YOU KOKICHI

_Tenko Chabashira has gone offline._

Kokichi: AMAMI BABE PLEASE HELP

Rantaro: sorry I can't hear you

Kokichi: WTF WE'RE TYPING

_Kokichi Ouma has gone offline._

Maki: Whatever that was, I'm glad Tenko is going after him. Justice. 

Kaito: damn

Maki: Also, Kaede, Ryoma is at my house right now, I will talk to him. 

Kaito: why??? 

Kaede: uh 

Rantaro: wtf why is he at your house

_Maki Harukawa has gone offline._

Kaito: -_-

Rantaro: jelly~

Kaito: stfu 

_Maki Harukawa has come online._

Maki: I know the hacker now. 

Maki: And none of you will find out! 

Maki: Nice try Maki! 

Kiibo: Maki is the hacker? :o

Kaede: er no

Miu: Wow Kiibo...

Kiibo: What?

 

 

 _Kaede Akamatsu has updated her status:_ Smh it was Gonta

Shuichi Saihara: What...

Kiibo: No!!! Not possible!!!

Shuichi Saihara: Kaede are you okay :(

Miu Iruma: LMAO THIS HACKER IS TRYING TO BLAME GONTA WHAT A FUCKING JOKE 

Gonta Gokuhara: Whatever it is, I did not do it I swear! D:

Kirumi Tojo: Don't worry, we believe you. 

Kirumi Tojo: This hacker has gone too far. 

Kirumi Tojo: Revenge will taste best when served on a silver platter.

Kaito Momota: tf 

Kaede Akamatsu: omg guys they got me again I'm so sorry

Himiko Yumeno: Tojo? 

 

_Groupchat_

Rantaro: Sorry guys, I think that was the best prank I've ever pulled

Rantaro: I gotta come clean and confess, it keeps haunting me...

Tenko Chabashira has come online. 

Rantaro: Oh shit

Tenko:....

Tenko:......

Tenko:.......

_Rantaro Amami has gone offline._

_Tenko Chabashira has gone offline._

Miu: I think I just witnessed a fucking murder.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> punks


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEa here's part 2 punks

inspo: https://haikyuufacebook.tumblr.com/post/151580773074/blast-to-the-past-nishinoya-ver

 _Shuichi_ Saihara _is in_ luv _ <3_

Kaito Momota: lmaoooo I love going through old posts 

Kaito Momota: @ Kaede Akamatsu

Shuichi Saihara: ugh why did you do this

Miu Iruma: LMAOOO SHUICHI WHY DID YOU POST THIS HOW DID SHE NOT SEE THIS

Kaede Akamatsu: umm why are you pinging me Momota...

Kaede Akamatsu:  I already know about this

Maki Harukawa: Idiot, it even says she liked the comment. 

Kokichi Ouma: he's obviously talking about me <3

Shuichi Saihara: shut the fuck up 

Korekiyo Shinguuji: Kukukuku.

Miu Iruma: fuck off

Kaito Momota: still funny. how did she react?

Shuichi Saihara: .....

Shuichi Saihara: let's stop talking about this stupid post. 

_This post has been deleted._

 

 

 _Kokichi Ouma has updated his status_ : GUYS I FOUND FANFICTION OF RANTARO AND I HAHAHAHA

Kokichi Ouma: any1 want the link??? :)

Maki Harukawa: Who the fuck would want the link?

Kaito Momota: wow chill Harumaki, no need to curse

Gonta Gokuhara: What is fanfiction? 

Kiibo: Yeah, what does Yaoi mean? 

Miu Iruma: LOL

Tsumugi Shirogane: how did you find those

Kaede Akamatsu: SHUT UP STOP TALKING ABOUT HENTAI AND YAOI PLEASE WE HAVE CHILDREN HERE. 

Maki Harukawa: Indeed. 

Kokichi Ouma: ACTING ALL INNOOOOO HUH KAEDE. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HENTAI AND YAOI????

Kirumi Tojo: These are...horrible. 

Kaito Momota: WHY DID YOU READ THEM 

Ryoma Hoshi: Holy fuck. Tojo, we need to purge the internet. 

Himiko Yumeno: stop ny'all

Tenko Chabashira: where are the ones about Tenko and Yumeno??? 

Shuichi Saihara: is no one gonna ask why he was looking those up in the first place???

Kokichi Ouma: is no one gonna ask why you know you have to look them up? 

Rantaro Amami: WHY AM I THE FUCKING BOTTOM

 

_Ryoma Hoshi has liked Prince of Tennis._

Ryoma Hoshi: Fuck. 

Ryoma Hoshi: That was not intentional. 

Ryoma Hoshi: Ignore this.

Tsumugi Shirogane: OMG??? You like Prince of Tennis too?

Rantaro Amami: lmaooo Hoshi is a weeb

Kokichi Ouma: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ryoma Hoshi: All three of you are dead to me. 

Rantaro Amami: It's okay I'm already dead inside 

 

 

_Rantaro Amami has come online._

Kiibo _has come online._

_Miu Iruma has come online._

Rantaro: We gotta find out who Kaede went on a date with :/

Kiibo: Ah! I know!

Rantaro: How? Who?

Kiibo: He is a year older than us! Leon Kuwata :D

Rantaro: Holy fuck. 

Miu: OMG

Miu: WHAT!!! THE!!! FUCK!!!

Kiibo: D: something wrong Iruma?

 _Shuichi_ Saihara _has come online._

Shuichi: wow do I love reading these convos

Rantaro: you probably shouldn't bro

Shuichi: ...

Shuichi: for fucks sakes.

 _Shuichi_ Saihara _has gone offline._

_Korekiyo Shinguuji has come online._

_Maki Harukawa has come online._

_Kaito Momota has come online._  

Kaito: Leon's a nice guy tbh. a bit too out there but still...

Korekiyo: I hope Shuichi recovers from this.

Rantaro: sigh

Rantaro: depressing day

_Rantaro Amami has gone offline._

_Miu Iruma has gone offline._

Kiibo: I don't think they're okay...

Kiibo _has gone offline._

Maki: Oh...I see.

_Kokichi Ouma has come online._

Kokichi: whats up bitches 

Maki: Now is not the time. 

Kokichi: what, it's always the time Harumaki >:)

Maki: First of all, you are NOT allowed to call me that. 

Maki: Second, maybe if you're able too, go read the convo. Or are you a child and do I need to read it to you?

Kokichi: Read it to me :D

Kaito: Yo back the fuck up

 _Angie_ Yonaga _has come online._

Angie: Angie feels so many negatives vibes today ~-~

Kokichi: jeez why are they all so weird...Leon seems like a cool guy...for Kaede at least but that's not really saying much nishishi

 _Maki Harukawa has kicked Kokichi Ouma from the_ the group _chat._

Korekiyo: Oh my. Wasn't aware we had the power to do that. 

Kaito: so cold and cool Harumaki~

Maki: -_-

Angie: why are Miu and Rantaro gone tho? 3:

Maki: It's complicated...Best if you find out from them one day

_Kaede Akamatsu has come online._

Kaede: Hey...

Kaede: ...........................

Kaede: what

Kaede: the

Kaede: HELL!!!!

Kaede: I'M NOT DATING LEON

Kaede: SAYAKA IS AND I WAS DROPPING SOMETHING OFF FOR HIM AFTER MY DINNER DATE WITH MY FUTURE AGENT

KAEDE: OH MY GOSH.

Maki: Hmmm people always seem to do this.

Korekiyo: Humans are truly wonderus~

_Kaede Akamatsu has gone offline._

_Maki Harukawa has gone offline._

Kaito: wtf why is there always drama here 

Angie: Kami-Sama has blessed us all with very interesting lives~~

Koreykiyo: Can't argue with that. 

Rantaro Amami has come online. 

Rantaro: Yikes so Shuichi is being emo and Miu is crying because Kaede got a bf and not her

Rantaro:....buttttt apparently she didn't....

Rantaro: oh ffs -_-

Rantaro: why am in this group

_Ryoma Hoshi has come online._

Ryoma: I ask myself that a lot. 

_Ryoma Hoshi has gone offline._

Kaito: anyone else feel like he just comes here when he has to say something then logs out? 

Korekiyo: That is exactly what he does. 

Rantaro: anyway....

Rantaro: time to fix thangs

_Rantaro Amami has gone offline._

 

 

 

 

 _Shuichi_ Saihara _has updated his status:_ Every thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore...

Kokichi Ouma: I'll take your breath away detective <3

Maki Harukawa: Why do you feel the need to take everything so lightly? This is clearly serious. 

Kaito Momota: also Ouma wtf does that have to do with anything relating to the quote

Miu Iruma: THIS IS THE FUNNIEST EMO-EST THING I'VE EVER SEEN SAIHARA SAY AND I'M ACTUALLY DYING

Kaede Akamatsu: are you okay Saihara!!!

Kaede Akamatsu: don't make jokes Iruma! 

Rantaro Amami: ok yeah it's not funny but this is pretty much top tier cringe 

Maki Harukawa: None of you take things seriously until it's too late. Except for Akamatsu...Sigh. 

Himiko Yumeno: you're aware that she wasn't on actual date Saihara

Shuichi Saihara: what

Shuichi Saihara: I was just quoting a book I read 

 

 

Rantaro Amami: The clock is ticking~

Kaito Momota: wtf does that mean

Kiibo: Oh no are we in one of those timed contests things? Are we being filmed????!!

Himiko Yumeno: on facebook....?

Kaede Akamatsu: I think Amami is just being annoying with his mysterious thing again

Kaede Akamatsu: save it, we don't care

Miu Iruma: saVAGE

Kaito Momota: oh shit, shutdown

Rantaro Amami: Okay Kaede :) No more playing nice

Shuichi Saihara: what

Shuichi Saihara: what is happening 

Kaede Akamatsu: oh bring it on green boy, I ain't scared of you

Rantaro Amami: lock your doors babe ;)

Kokichi Ouma: the fuck

Kaede Akamatsu: you will pay for what you've done

Himiko Yumeno: okay now they're both offline...

 

 

 

 

Kirumi _Tojo has come online._

GontaGokuhara _has come online._

Kiibo _has come online._

_Ryoma Hoshi has come online._

Kiibo: Why can't everyone ever be online at once? 

Kirumi : They all seem to have busy schedules it seems. Or someone is mad at someone and stays off for a bit. There's always some reason. 

Gonta: Gonta wants everyone to have a peaceful conversation once and a while!

Ryoma: We can have one. If that Ouma asshole isn't on, anything can be possible. 

Kirumi: True. 

Kiiibo: Anyone want to go to the movies with me? 

_Miu Iruma has come online._

Miu: I wouLD

Ryoma: Jesus. She came fast. 

Miu: That I did Hoshi ;)

Ryoma: Sometimes I wish I was dead. 

Miu: :(

Kiibo: Do you want to come to the movies with Iruma and I Hoshi? 

Ryoma: If Iruma's going, then hard pass. 

Miu: :(

Kiibo: :(

Gonta: Gonta will come!

Korekiyo: So will I. 

Miu: wtf you were online this whole fucking time? 

Korekiyo: Hello. 

Kirumi: Hello Korekiyo.

Ryoma: Uh.

Ryoma: What time are we going to the movie?

Kiibo: I have no idea...

Miu: Why? Got a date? 

Ryoma: No. 

Miu: K...Guessed so :)

Ryoma: Die.

Kiibo: Hoshi! 

Ryoma: Sorry. 

Ryoma: Die and cry. 

Miu: This abuse...This bullying...I can't take it :'(

Kirumi: May we all settle down, please? Hoshi please don't tell Iruma to die. 

Kirumi: And Iruma, please tone down your sexual aggressiveness. 

Miu: ok mom

Ryoma: My apologies Tojo. 

Gonta: Sexual aggressiveness? 

Kirumi: .....

Miu: heh

_Miu Iruma has gone offline._

Kirumi _Tojo has gone offline._

Gonta: What happened D:

Gonta: Did I say something? 

Ryoma: Don't worry Gonta. 

Ryoma: You did nothing wrong. Justice will be served soon. 

Kiibo: Justice? 

_Rantaro Amami has come online._

Rantaro: What a great day~

_Kokichi Ouma has come online._

_Himiko Yumeno has come online._

Himiko: I cannot believe that just transpired...In front of my own eyes...

Kiibo: Why so Amami? 

Kokichi: I. Am. Dead. 

Himiko: inside

Kokichi: also that

Kokichi: amami babe

Kokichi: you are a legend

Ranataro: don't call me babe but yes :)

_Kaede Akamatsu has come online._

_Shuichi_ Saihara _has come online._  

Kaede: .....

Rantaro: hi~

 _Kaede Akamatsu has kicked Rantaro Amami from the_ groupchat _._

 _Kokichi:_ noooooooo bae

Shuichi: he was never your bae

Kokichi: ik, you are <3

Gonta: Why did you kick him Akamatsu? :0

Kaede: He is such a....

Kaede: ugh

Kaede: can't curse here

Kaede: ily Kiibo and Gonta

Kiibo: I don't know why you're saying that but ily2!

Gonta: Gonta loves you too!

Kokichi: ily2 Akamatsu <3

Kaede: buzz off, I know you're on his side 

_Tenko Chabashira has come online._

_Tsumugi Shirogane has come online._  

Tsumugi: I sense war has started because of what has happened...

Tenko: Tenko thinks Akamatsu did what is right! dirty menace deserved that, let it out, girl! <3

Miu: yikes I couldn't find my phone 

Miu: KIIBO ILY

Gonta: Okay but I still do not understand why Amami has been kicked....? 

Kaede: for good measure -_-

Shuichi: Hey, what is everyone talking about? I was in my room

Kokichi: crying? nishishi

Shuichi: wow well now I am

 


	4. don't text during class!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo. y'all this fic got a burst of views and kudos wtf. how?

_eKaito Momota has come online._

_Rantaro Amami has come online._

Kaito: Amami I have a question

Kaito: so like

Kaito: you were the hacker right?

Rantaro: yeet

Kaito: you said something about knowing everyones secrets

Kaito: how?

Rantaro: ???

Rantaro: xd

Rantaro: my own secret fam

_Kaede Akamatsu has come online._

_Kokichi Ouma has come online._

_Maki Harukawa has come online._

_Shuichi_ Saihara _has come online._

Kaito: hey, fuck you Amami

Kokichi: no I'm gonna be doing that

Kokichi: tonight ;)

Shuichi: I feel like I walked in on something

Kokichi: come join us then

Amami: sorry, only a few people know my s e c r e t s

Kaito: yet you get to know everyone else's?

Shuichi: hey Kaede how did your 'date' go?

Kaito: who knows your secrets??

Maki: Ouma you sadden me.

_Himiko Yumeno has come online._

Amami: that's a secret too ;)

Kaito: fuck you

Kaede: oh thanks for asking Shuichi!! it went well he wants to do a follow-up RECORDING in his studio with Sayaka and Ibuki! I'm really excited and he's very nice!

Amami: If I could, I would say Kaito

Amami: hmm getting close with him perhaps Kaede?

Kokichi: ew he's ugly tho

Shuichi: how do you know what he looks like...

Kaede: Amami why would you say that! no, he's into...star wars and comic con, and he smells like sausage

Kaito: he likes star wars wtf is your problem kaede? fucking marry him

Maki: Wouldn't you like to?

Kaito: babe please I have a weakness

Kokichi: nerds

_Miu Iruma has come online._

Miu: ew star wars

Shuichi: rip

Kaito: ew a virgin

_Kiibo has come online._

Kiibo: guys! Kaede's boyfriend is cheating on her!

Shuichi: this again...it hurts my mind

Kaede: Kiibo sweetie

Kaede: he's not cheating, and he's not my boyfriend

Kaede: that's Sayaka's boyfriend and that's who he was kissing

Kaede: I hope

Kiibo: but I saw you kissing your boyfriend earlier this week!

Miu: LOL

Miu: KIIBO WITH THE FUCKING RECEIPTS AND KEEN MEMORY

Kokichi: come to think of it that agent guy does have the same hair color as him

Kaede: Kiibo. sweetie, what are you talking about...

Kokichi: vgdhjlfk

Kokichi: Kaede isn't smooth

Kaede: shut up ugly I'd like to see you score

Miu: OWOW OH FUCK KAEDE DAMN

Rantaro: Kaede why him? he's 3 years older than you, you're a high school student

Kaede: are y'all seriously doing this today -_-

_Kaede Akamatsu has gone offline._

Shuichi: what

_Shuichi Saihara_ _has gone offline._

Himiko: I realized I logged on for no reason, forgot I did and left my phone open. now I have to read this convo again brb

Miu: the love saga continues

Kokichi: don't worry they'll all cum to me one day

Maki: Please, dear God, erase your whole entire existence.

Rantaro: Ouma what makes you think you'll score with whoever you want? So sure of yourself tsk tsk

Kokichi: um fuck you I'll get a boyfriend and girlfriend before you can even bat an eye

Himiko: oh why did I read all that now.... I know the gossip, now I'm involved :(

Rantaro: good fucking luck bro

Kiibo: I feel very very bad...

Miu: it's okay bby I'll help you

Kaito: okay but Amami knowing my secret is still making me nervous guys does anyone else care?

Kokichi: kk Amami sweetie, I'll show up with two bitches by my side and then you'll be sorry

Maki: Refer to women as bitches one more time and I'll send Tenko on your ass.

Kokichi: Don't be sexist Maki! Anyone beneath me is my bitch

Kaito: so no bitches in the world?

Kokichi: fuck you

Kirumi _Tojo has come online._

Rantaro: yea yea okay Ouma, the war is on

Kirumi: Tenko just messaged me telling me to tell Ouma to be on extra alert.

Kokichi: how tf did she see what I said?

Himiko: I guess she just...knows everything

Kokichi: motherfucker

_Kokichi Ouma has gone offline._

Maki: Justice.

 

 

_Kaito Momota likes Space._

Miu Iruma: this information is useless idiot

Gonta Gokuhara: I did not know this :0

Miu: Gonta what the fuck

Kaito Momota: damnit I meant Star Wars

Kokichi Ouma: that's pretty gay

Kaito Momota: nevermind spaceballs is way better 

Kokichi Ouma: that's even gayer

Kaito Momota: wtf autocorrect

Kaito Momota: shut up you don't get to speak

Kiibo: Spaceballs?   
  


 

**Tsumugi Shirogane and Kokichi Ouma PM.**

Tsumugi: we need to talk

Tsumugi: I don't know if you noticed the romance blossoming lately~

Tsumugi: I need your help to give it a push

Kokichi: why me tho

Tsumugi: you're the only other person here who's devious as me

Kokichi: true

Kokichi: so what's the game plan

Tsumugi: who first?

Kokichi: who what?

Tsumugi: who's our first target couple you idiot

Kokichi: ooooooooooooooh

Kokichi: Amani and I

Tsumugi: no

Kokichi: wow ok :(

Tsumugi: ugh I have a plan

Tsumugi: let's start with the most obvious

Tsumugi: kaede and detective boy

Kokichi: what am I supposed to do?

Kokichi: like um he's mine

Tsumugi: shut up. Just follow me for now and you're time will come soon...  
  


_Rantaro Amami has come online._

_Miu Iruma has come online._

Kiibo _has come online._

_Himiko Yumeno has come online._

Himiko: idk why we all talk here when we're literally in the same classroom...

Miu: because talking is for losers

Rantaro: this class is boring. I swear I'm about to fall asleep

Miu: fam

Miu: you gotta stop staying up till 2 masturbating

_Kaede Akamatsu has come online._

Kaede: why are you texting during class?

Kaede: stop right now or I'll make Tojo take away all your phones -_-

Miu: SHIT

_Miu Iruma has gone offline._

Rantaro: Kaede

Rantaro: you're using your phone now too

Kaede: shhhh I need too

Rantaro: texting a certain someone?

Kiibo: Kaede I'm so so so sorry about what happened earlier!

Kaede: it's no problem Keebs ily <3

Rantaro: :/

_Ryoma Hoshi has come online._

Ryoma: Can you all stop? Tojo just kicked me, really hard, and asked me to tell you guys to put your phones away.

Kaede: Problem Amami? Jealous you can't score?

Rantaro: don't test me today

Rantaro: Ouma tried breaking into my room today while I was in there and it's really ticked me off since then

Ryoma: Am I going to be ignored?

Kokichi Ouma has come online.

Kokichi: who's talking shit?

Kaede: why do you always do that?

Kokichi: why do you date guys 6 years older than you?

Rantaro: watch it

Kokichi: don't defend her babe!!!

 _Shuichi_ Saihara _has come online._

Shuichi: hey...can you guys stop texting, Kokichi just threw a paper  
Plane at me with the word "rejected" on it and held up his phone...so this convo is getting to be too much

Kaede: Ouma!

Rantaro: lmfao the gremlin did something funny

Himiko: just realized I forgot to turn this off...AGAIN

Kaede: Ouma you still haven't gotten any girls yet?

Kokichi: stfu

Kokichi: soon

Himiko: Ouma could probably pull it off somehow...idk how tho he will

Rantaro: what are you on?

Kokichi: oh wow thanks Yumeno...

Ryoma: Tojo is glaring at me now, please stop.

Rantaro: Yumeno this whole defending Kokichi thing has been irking me lately

Kokichi: you're just jelly~

Kokichi: you wanna be my no 1 Yumeno?

Himiko: um not really 

Kokichi: that's a YES

Kokichi: YOU HEARD IT LADIES

Rantaro: what utter and complete bullshit

Himiko: I think I regret being born now

_Tenko Chabashira has come online._

Ryoma: No acknowledgment.

Ryoma: Death welcomes me.

Tenko: BACK UP GROSS BOY

Kaede: hah

Kaede: Amani he beat you :')

Tenko: if you EVEN think you'd be allowed to be NEAR my Yumeno then you're horribly mistaken

Kokichi: whoops gotta blast

Kokichi Ouma has gone offline.

Tenko: LITTLE BITCH ASS

Rantaro: Kaede. Oh Kaede. You make me laugh

Kiibo: Hey why is Hoshi on the verge of tears at his seat?

Shuichi: another airplane...please stop Kokichi

_Ryoma Hoshi has gone offline._

Kaede: I'm glad I do!

Kirumi Tojo has logged on.

Kirumi: All of you.

Kirumi: Shut your phones off right now.

Kirumi: RIGHT NOW.

Kaede: yeah!

_Kaede Akamatsu has gone offline._

_Himiko Yumeno has gone offline._

_Shuichi_ Saihara _has gone offline._

_Rantaro: fuck bitches get money_

_Rantaro Amami has gone offline._

_Tenko Chabashira has gone offline._

Kiibo _has gone offline._

Kirumi: Good.

Kirumi _Tojo has gone offline._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> barley edited yeah yeah


	5. fuck this fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummmmmm read my notes at the end k thanks

_Everyone is online._

Tsumugi: all of y'all are coming to my party this Friday

Tsumugi: no exceptions

Kiibo: party? I've never been to a party!

Kokichi: really kiibot? Never got turnt?

Kiibo: turnt?

Kaede: of course Shirogane!

Ryoma: Sorry, gotta decline.

Miu: bitch you don't get to skip out on this

Ryoma: I think I very well do.

Shuichi: any reason?

Ryoma: I don't wanna go.

Kaito: that's dumb you gotta go

Kaito: parties are fucking great man

Ryoma: You saying that makes me not want to go even more.

Kaede: Hoshi come on! You have to come!!

Tsumugi: Hoshi

Tsumugi: I will drag you out of your stupid apartment and bring you to the party Ryoma: Who's says I'll be home?

Ryoma: Who's says I'll be home?

Tsumugi: I'm going to ignore you for the time being

Tsumugi: everyone here MUST bring their own blankets!! I don't have enough for y'all

Kokichi: shit I left my sleeping back at your house Shuichi

Shuichi: when the fuck did you sleep at my house?

Kokichi: trying to forget the time spent together? :'(

Kaede: you literally snuck into his house at 12

Kokichi: HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT?

Rantaro: question is

Rantaro: who's the real stalker here?

Kaede: I've been living with Saihara for about a month now -_-

Kaede: remember my roomate?

Kaito: I really don't want to

Kiibo: what happened with your roomate? :o

Rantaro: dear god not this again...

Miu: her roommate tried hexing her lmao

Miu: said she'd die in a week and that she should say her goodbyes to everyone soon because they'll all be next

Miu: funniest shit I've heard

Kiibo: WITCHES??

Kokichi: everyone knows witches aren't real

Himiko: Excuse me?

Tenko: DON'T BE RUDE STUPID

Kokichi: shit babe sorry I forgot about you

Himiko: do not call me that...ever

Himiko: or I will hex you...

Miu: LOL

Rantaro: on second thought, call her babe again Ouma?

Kokichi: why do you always want me to die?

Tsumugi: anyway...

Tsumugi: just bring something to sleep with

Kokichi: I'll bring Kiibo <3

Kiibo: what?

Miu: STAY AWAY FROM HIM

Kaede: I'll drop off your stupid blanket Ouma, it smells weird and you should wash it

Gonta: Gonta doesn't need a blanket LOL

Kaito: why the LOL?

Gonta: Because you need to put it at the end of every sentence LOL

Shuichi: who taught you that?

Gonta: Ouma LOL

Kokichi: yeah LOL

Rantaro: that's so annoying

Kiibo: so why do we do this? LOL

Gonta: because it's fun LOL

Maki: Stop. Please.

Gonta: You forgot the LOL Maki LOL

Maki: I assure you it was on purpose...

Kaito: join the fun LOL

Maki: No.

Kaito: aw LOL

Ryoma: This is why I don't wanna be in here.

Kokichi: LOL?  
  


_Gonta Gokuhara has updated his status: Happy Birthday Hoshi LOL_

Ryoma Hoshi: Er. Thanks Gonta.

Miu Iruma: oooh I totally forgot

Ryoma Hoshi: Thanks, Iruma.

Korekiyo Shinguji: Aha, happy birthday Hoshi, I wish you the best.

Ryoma Hoshi: Charming. Thanks.

Kokichi Ouma: I would say happy birthday but you never hang with us

Kaede Akamatsu: Rude! We need to have a talk Ouma

Kokichi Ouma: sorry I'm not into musicians. Too much drama

Shuichi Saihara: wtf?

Kaede Akamatsu: -_-

Ryoma Hoshi: It's alright Akamatsu, him congratulating me in any way seems to lower my self-esteem to a worse level than before.

Kokichi Ouma: um ouch

Kiibo: Happy Birthday Hoshi! I'm sending virtual hugs ^_^

Ryoma Hoshi: Thank You...I appreciate it.

Rantaro Amani: guys I think he's crying   
  
  
  


_Ryoma Hoshi has updated his status: So Thankful, So Blessed. It's Good To Be Alive._

Miu Iruma: stfu lol

Ryoma Hoshi: So Thankful, So Blessed. It's Good To Be Alive.

Kaito Momota: Is he broken?

Kokichi Ouma: Don't tell him what to do Iruma it's his birthday

Miu Iruma: I don't give a shit I don't wanna see Jaden Smith up in here

Kiibo: Jaden Smith?

Kaito Momota: Ryoma you good fam

Ryoma Hoshi: So Thankful, So Blessed. It's Good To Be Alive.

Himiko Yumeno: it's a cry for help, I'd know

Tenko Chabashira: why do I keep getting pinged for things I never commented on!!!!

Kaito Momota: well he was crying earlier...

Kiibo: what do we do? :(

Himiko Yumeno: cry as well

Ryoma Hoshi: So Thankful, So Blessed. It's Good To Be Alive.

Miu Iruma: no one even said anything to you that time!

Ryoma Hoshi: So Thankful, So Blessed. It's Good To Be Alive.

Tenko Chabashira: stupid boys blowing up this post. I'm suing Facebook

Kaito Momota: go ahead and sue men while you're at it

Tenko Chabashira: thanks for the idea ugly

Kaito Momota: I'm not...ugly...I think

Kokichi Ouma: look in the mirror :p

Himiko Yumeno: wowowoow that was uncalled for

Maki Harukawa: I'd tell you to do the same Ouma, but I don't think you're tall enough to see anything.

Miu Iruma: I'm never messing with your boyfriend Harukawa

Kokichi Ouma: fuck you Harukawa! I'm going to steal your man

Kaito Momota: wait what

Maki Harukawa: What in the WORLD are you even talking about?

Ryoma Hoshi: So Thankful, So Blessed. It's Good To Be Alive.

Himiko Yumeno: wish I could agree with Hoshi...

Tenko Chabashira: :(

Kokichi Ouma: :(

Tenko Chabashira: back off idiot

Kirumi Tojo: Why did Ouma come to my room in tears? Why am I being pinged for a post I never commented on?

Kirumi Tojo: Oh, by the way, Happy Birthday Hoshi.

Tenko Chabashira: Facebook is glitching out and it's the worst thing

Himiko Yumeno: fix him pls

Kirumi Tojo: ?

Ryoma Hoshi: So Thankful, So Blessed. It's Good To Be Alive.

Kirumi Tojo: Oh.   
  
  
  
  


_Kirumi Tojo has updated her status: Have a nice, clean day everyone._

Kokichi Ouma: I like it dirty tho ;)

Kirumi Tojo: Shoo. Or I'll spray you with Febreze.

Kaito Momota: FRESH

Maki Harukawa: Ruin one more post, Ouma, I dare you.   
  
  
  
  
  


_Gonta Gokuahara has updated his status: Buns are the BEST! Gonta just had one and yum :)_

Kaede Akamatsu: Ahh same! I always get some with Saihara :)

Kokichi Ouma: Buns 0_0

Angie Yonaga: what did Angie say about the emojis? >:3

Kokichi Ouma: oh shit sorry 0w0

Tenko Chabashira; Literally shut up. Tenko is so done with you so shut the fuck up you little piece of shit. I'm going to eat you

Kokichi Ouma: why am I so hated;_;  
  
  
  
  
  


**Groupchat**   
  
  


_Tsumugi Shirogane has come online._

_Kokichi Ouma has come online._

_Kaede Akamatsu has come online._

_Rantaro Amami has come online._

_Tenko Chabashira has come online._

_Korekiyo Shinguji has come online._

_Angie Yonaga has come online._

Kaito Momota has come online.

_Shuichi Saihara has come online._

Tsumugi: let's play a game!

Rantaro: no

Tsumugi: shut up grinch

Tsumugi: okay so don't ask how but I found out all the secrets greenie over here tried hiding about y'all

Tsumugi: and I put one in each person's room

Tsumugi: and you guys have to guess which secret is which

Kaito : FUCK

Kokichi: Got something to hide Momota~?

Kaito: no

Tsumugi: oh yes he does ;)

Rantaro: Shirogane...how did you get into my room...and when

Kaede: Yeah, he never leaves it :/

Tsumugi: that's my secret

Rantaro: fuck you mystery is my thing

Korekiyo: May I suggest to be pardoned?

Tsumugi: oh hell no, these are juicy

Angie: Angie has nothing to hide \>.</

Shuichi: this is cruel Shirogane...

Kaede: yeah, it's a HUGE invasion of privacy

Tsumugi: don't worry I changed up some of the EXTRA personal ones and replaced them with different ones

Kaito: How much do you know about us??

Tsumugi: too fucking much

Tenko: Tenko does NOT like the sound of this...

Maki Harukawa has come online.

Maki: I just got home from work. Why is this chat blowing up?

Kaito: Harukawa your biggest secret is in one of our rooms;-;

Maki: Shirogane.

Maki: You're dead to me.

Tsumugi: yada yada yada, where is everyone else?

Kaede: I'll get em

_Himiko Yumeno has come online._

_Gonta Gokuhara is online._

_Kiibo has come online._

_Kirumi Tojo has come online._

_Miu Iruma has come online._

Kaede: uhh Hoshi isn't responding

Miu: why was I summoned

Tsumugi: you'll see ;)

Miu: okay ;)

Tenko: Tenko wants to join in on this winkfest too ;)

Kokichi Ouma: same ;)

Tenko: die.

_Ryoma Hoshi has come online._

Ryoma: Against my will. Once again.

Kaito: sorry you have FRIENDS

Ryoma: Yeah, I'm sorry about that too.

Kaede: Can we start? I wanna get this over with and I fear what my secret is...

Tsumugi: I PMed each one of you your secret and you have to find the one in your room. Once you found it, post it here.

Himiko: oh fuck me

Kaito: HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW THIS RANTARO???

Rantaro: yikes Shirogane I thought you would've changed his

Tsumugi: uhh I did

Maki: Shirogane...Are you serious?

Kaede: omg I found the secret in my room

Kaede: this person has gotten arrested multiple times, for graffiti, vandalization and empty threats against government officials

Kokichi: Angie?

Angie: Excuse me? why do you think Angie would do such a thing? may the devil infest you and take you straight to hell you piece of trash

Korekiyo: Oh my.

Rantaro: well I can't really play can I? I know some of these

Tsumugi: just keep your mouth shut then

Tsumugi: I know you're used to opening it so much~

Miu: LOL

Angie: (^_^)

Kokichi: This person secretly loves My Little Pony.

Kokichi: Okay whoever this is, I hope you know you suck

Kaito: probs Amami

Rantaro: Nah...this one makes me laugh though

Kiibo: This person uses tumblr

Kokichi: nvm this person is worse

Himiko: hey..tumblr is cool you just look at cool things

Himiko: a lot of witches put spells and stuff on there for others to use ;3

Tenko: Tenko agrees! fun stuff

Rantaro: lmao whatever I don't need a spell to feel better about myself

Tenko: You should. Pretty soon.

Shuichi: This person is addicted to...Powdered sugar

Ranataro: don't know this one so the original secret may be way worse...

Maki: This person is in love with someone who they think is way better than them.

Maki: I do feel bad for them. But at the same time, go for your own level.

Kaito: that was...cold and sincere. idk what to think Harumaki :/

Gonta: Gonta believes that the person should confess and that they have a chance!

Tsumugi: That's...Really sweet. I hope the person takes your advice because they sure as hell need it

Kokichi: lol poor guy can't get someone to like them back, can't relate >:)

Rantaro: FUCK I know this one

Kaito: This person has a fear of space

Kaito: yikes someone's looking for a fight

Angie: Angie does like space though :3 it's certainly a beautiful creation made by Kami-Sama

Himiko: Angie this is written in English you don't need to add that

Korekiyo: I believe the writer is too stupid to see that. Kukuku.

Miu: Are y'all high? wtf?

Kiibo: Writer? What?

Tsumugi: lol shut up you two...such sillies

Tenko: This person has had a crush on every single person in the group at one point...

Maki: .....

Kaede: oh my gosh!

Ryoma: That one actually made me smile.

Tenko: Tenko hopes this person is girl...

Tenko: Hopes very much...

Kiibo: Sorry what?

Himiko: This person hates Magicians

Himiko: Rantaro fuck you

Rantaro: hey this one is new

Tsumugi: whoops

Himiko: ugh

Rantaro: Oh hey, mine is new...This person used to steal butter...

Rantaro: wtf is wrong with some of you

Kaito: don't yuck their yum

Tsumugi: no room to judge Amami :)

Rantaro: -_-

Kaede: you stress me out sometimes

Ryoma: Do NOT trust this person. They have had an affiliation with the mafia.

Kaito: the first part is his own words, just making that clear

Angie: I knew a guy from the mafia...he was chill

Korekiyo: It's interesting how so many different cultures have their own mafia. Japanese Mafia, Chinese Mafia, Italian Mafia, Jewish Mafia, Russian Mafia...

Himiko: Hey don't we have our very own mafia? at school?

Kokichi: shhhh Yumeno

Ryoma: YEAH AND SOMEHOW THAT LITTLE TWERP AND HIS BITCH OF A SISTER ALWAYS END UP GETTING IN MY BUISSNESS. THEY KNOW HOW PISSED OFF I GET YET I'M ALWAYS USED AS A PLAY TOY FOR THE TWO. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SCARY SWORD BITCH WHO ONCE THREATENED ME BECAUSE I TOLD THE KID THAT I WOULD BREAK INTO HIS ROOM AND SLIT HIS THROAT.

Ryoma: THOSE TWO LITTLE SHITS DON'T KNOW WHATS COMING FOR THEM.

Miu: holy shit

Rantaro: my ears hurt because I feel like I listened to that rather than read it

Kaede: Hey Hoshi...calm down pls

Kaito: kinda scared for the person who's secret this is

Kiibo: This person has a BDSM kink

Kokichi: okay so Shinguji? lmao

Korekiyo: Wow. That was REALLY fast.

Rantaro: sorry I gotta back up my bro here Ouma, he does not have a BDSM kink

Korekiyo: Bro?

Kiibo: hey what does BDSM mean?

Miu: something we'll be doing later on~

Kaede: omfg stop Iruma

Kaede: it's nothing Kiibo sweetie, just something weird grown up adults like doing

Rantaro: um don't kink shame

Kokichi: dude are you seriously outting yourself right now?

Rantaro: it's not me dipshit

Tsumugi: wow. BDSM is actually not even that fun. go for something bolder

Rantaro: I worry for you

Angie: This person is an atheist

Angie: >:3

Tenko: Tenko demands this person comes clean this instant for making Angie upset

Shuichi: Angie are you really that upset...?

Angie: >>:3

Kaito: yes

Gonta: This person collects bones from dead animals they find!

Gonta: How could you... person? :o It makes Gonta so sad to see them used for such terrible purposes...Gonta demands you come clean to the police

Shuichi: I don't think the police are needed

Rantaro: yeah maybe some mental help

Kokichi: this leaves Iruma, Tojo and creepy guy

Korekiyo: I have a name, you know.

Kokichi: yeah whatever, fess up

Korekiyo: Not really mine to fess up but alright.

Korekiyo: This person still sucks their thumb.

Korekiyo: Okay.

Himiko: scandalous

Rantaro: don't be scared to admit this one Ouma ^_^

Angie: Angie told y'all to stop that!

Kokichi: lol fuck you, I stopped 2 years ago

Korekiyo: Really...?

Tenko: stupid menace is probably lying

Maki: Sucking your thumb is...really childish so I wouldn't be surprised.

Miu: damnnnn

Kaito: why do you always react in that manner when someone disses someone?

Miu: habit

Tojo: This person hates vacuum cleaners.

Tojo: Some of you are just evil.

Kokichi: I... don't really have anything to say to that one

Tenko: good

Miu: This person thinks there's a monster under their bed

Miu: HAHA WHAT A FUCKING LOSER LMAO

Rantaro: tbh that could be fitting to you

Miu: say that again normie

Tsumugi: huh normie...that's a good insult Iruma. I'm gonna use that one from now on

Rantaro: you're not funny or cool

Tsumugi: you're too sweet <3

Kaito: okay enough with low key flirting we gotta figure out who's is who's because now I'm really curious

Kaede: I kinda think mine should be kept private

Tsumugi: but this ones a reaL SHOCKER

Tsumugi: btw if someone accuses you and it's your secret, fess up because if you don't I'll just out you myself

Rantaro: you are a scary woman...

Kokichi: fine let me say this fair and square then I guess since there's no point in hiding it

Kokichi: it's not me

Tenko: You're so fucking useless

Shuichi: really not needed but thanks Ouma we're glad to know you're not a criminal

Kokichi: yeah I'm good at not getting caught

Kokichi: but if I did get caught, would you arrest me Shuichi? ;))

Shuichi: no I'd shoot you in self defense

Maki: I think this person is Hoshi.

Ryoma: Quick Maki, nice try but it's actually not. I mean it's not really a secret with me. Good guess though.

Maki: My apologies, just needed to get that out of the way then.

Gonta: Gonta wants to let this person know that they will not be judged harshly for their past, but who they are now :)

Miu: he makes me cry :(

Gonta: Ah! Not my intention please forgive me Iruma!

Rantaro: it's fine Gonta

Rantaro: I'm getting hungry brb

Tsumugi: don't come back!

Shuichi: sorry to accuse but...is it Angie!

Angie: I ALREADY SAID IT WASN'T ANGIE >-<

Shuichi: oh...sorry

Miu: is it fucking Maki or Tojo because those two are the unlikeliest and things like these are usually unlikely chances

Maki: Are you seriously accusing the caregiver here? How do you think I get hired?

Tojo: Fine then, I must confess.

Tojo: I fell into a bad crowd at one point. Nothing more than that, we did some illegal things and got in trouble.

Kokichi: MOMS A CRIMINAL YAY

Shuichi: Tojo...How

Tsumugi: She is RIGHT! I love you Tojo oh man

Tojo: Be aware you're the only one who isn't gonna have their laundry done this month.

Tojo: But, the truth was bound to come out anyway. I'm just surprised Saihara never knew about this, him being a detective and all.

Shuichi: I...am surprised too

Kokichi: It's okay, Tojo is still the best cook, so her being a criminal makes things 100x better

Kaede: she's not a criminal anymore...

Rantaro: once a criminal, always a criminal

Rantaro: I'm back btw

Tsumugi: why can't you stay gone?

Rantaro: why do you hate me?

Tsumugi: Many, many, MANY reasons

Kokichi: who the fuck here watches mlp

Himiko: MLP is a great show :(

Rantaro: you seriously have an interest in everything's that's hated, don't you?

Maki: Leave her alone. I watch the show with the kid I babysit on the regular. It's enjoyable.

Kokichi: caught?

Maki: Fine.

Tsumugi: it's okay I support you~

Kiibo: I've never actually used tumblr

Kaito: it reallllllly feels like Ouma or Chabashira rn

Kokichi: hey!

Tenko: I wish I had the time

Himiko: guys...I'm tired I don't think I can stay up to play the game

Kokichi: same...Shuichi's house is just really soft in general and his snoring makes me sleepy

Kaede: I'm calling the cops

Tsumugi: Saihara's knocked out so lets continue this another time 

Tsumugi: don't forget~

Everyone has logged off. 

 

_Tsumugi Shirogane has logged on._

_Rantaro Amami has logged on._

 

Tsumugi Shirogane and Rantaro Amami PM. 

Rantaro: what did I do? 

Tsumugi: go to sleep idiot...I'm too tired rn to say something mean to you

Rantaro: I will spam you for an answer

Rantaro: did Ouma put you up to this

Rantaro: or Kaede

Rantaro: maybe even Harukawa, maybe she has some weird grudge against me, that girl looks like she wants to kill everyone

Tsumugi: binch it's my own doing, it's always my own doing

Tsumugi: don't ask questions you're not prepared to know the answers too~

Rantaro: what are you planning?

Rantaro: bc Ouma has been less...aggressive with Shuichi, Kiibo, Yumeno and I and we're usually his main targets 

Rantaro: I'm actually warning you to never trust him

Tsumugi: eh I don't trust him

Tsumugi: but I need him ;)

Rantaro: in what way? 

Tsumugi: does it matter? I'm using him, you're gonna get burnt, Kiibo's gonna get turnt and all my babes will be together <3

Rantaro: tf is actually wrong with you 

Rantaro: like actually, it sounds slightly menacing at times....

Tsumugi: go to bed, Amami :)

Rantaro: ugh

Rantaro: fine 

Rantaro: I'll find out soon enough though >:)

Tsumugi: shore 

_Tsumugi Shirogane has logged off._

_Rantaro Amami has logged off._  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo so I'll be on a plane for the next 2 days, and then in a hotel then in a long ass car ride for a day or 2, then like no wifi for a while so probs no updates unless I write while traveling or something. pretty lit. 
> 
> I'm working a lot of original fics along with fics here so those will also be slowed...hope my plane doesn't crash


	6. wot wot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not edited sorry

_hyKaede Akamatsu has updated her status_ : Is it me or have I felt more love in the air?

Kokichi Ouma: its you

Kokichi Ouma: but I won't deny the vibes I've been getting from Shuichi lately

Shuichi Saihara: I literally just said hi to you

Tsumugi Shirogane: who cares about love when you got anime?

Ryoma Hoshi: You're a sad individual.

Kaito Momota: why is Kaede talking about love? Gotta tell us something piano girl, is Mr Sherlock finally making his moves?

Shuichi Saihara: Sherlock...

Kaede Akamatsu: omg

Kaede Akamatsu: I was talking about some other ppl here but okayyyyy

Tsumugi Shirogane: my girl has been growing up :') welcome to the shopping life

Rantaro Amani: shopping life? Glad you've changed too

Tsumugi Shirogane: SHIPPING I MEANT SHIPPING YOU PIECE OF SHIT   
  


 

**_Kokichi Ouma and Tsumugi Shirogane PM_ **

Tsumugi: Please just fucking kill Amani

Kokichi: I can't stare at his ass then tho

Kokichi: why?

Tsumugi: because I might just murder him myself anyway

Tsumugi: we need to speed things up and the stupid slime ball is getting in the way

Kokichi: and what do you suggest m'lady?

Tsumugi: Opposite Day

Tsumugi: look I know it sounds weird, but it'll make people realize shit

Tsumugi: because I love some people here and all but man are they oblivious fucks

Kokichi: this might work out in my favor considering people don't know when I'm being serious or not

Kokichi: I'll just be myself :p

Tsumugi: ew the emoji

Tsumugi: but okay I guess

Tsumugi: don't fuck up Mini-Me

Kokichi: tf I am no one's Mini-Me I'm the ultimate leader, I bow down to no one

Tsumugi: I'll make sure Tojo never cooks a meal for you again. I'll kill your harem. I'll tell Yumeno you were serious. Then I'll send Tenko on your ass. Then...The list goes on

Kokichi: ...

Kokichi: pls not mom

Kokichi: not my precious harem either pls

Kokichi: and don't even look at Yumeno, I feel like Tenko will come for me anyway

Tsumugi: you really need to stop playing around with that girl

Kokichi: eh

Kokichi: who says I'm messing :p

Tsumugi: stfu I'm going to log off for the weekend. Commence my plan for me

Tsumugi: and take care of dear sweet Amami~

Kokichi: oh fuck yea you can count on me

_Tsumugi Shirogane has logged off._   
  


_Tenko Chabashira has updated her status_ : All Men Are Pigs

Himiko Yumeno: that's such a good song <3

Kaito Momota: are you referencing that ^ or stating it...

Tenko Chabashira: stupid boy

Tenko Chabashira: it's both

Kokichi Ouma: why you gotta prey on us like that :'( 

_Kaede Akamatsu has logged on._

_Kaito Momota has logged on._

_Angie Yonaga has logged on._

_Kokichi Ouma has logged on._

_Rantaro Amami has logged on._

Rantaro: it's been really quiet since Shirogane died

Kaede: where the heck is that girl?

Shuichi Saihara has logged on.

Kaito: idk. TBH that shipping wall she sent me really freaked me out after

Angie: shipping wall?

Shuichi: hi everyone

Kaede: hellooooooooooo

Rantaro: enthusiastic. I love it

Kaito: hey back off Saihara's woman

Kaede: um

Kaede: anyway can we see the shipping wall?

Kaito: I deleted it. Too terrifying for it to exist

Kokichi: shame :/

Angie: Angie has her own shipping wall for all of her friends! ;p

Rantaro: the hell is wrong with some of you

Kokichi: shhhOscarr the grouch, I'm in charge bby

Kaede: Angie, show it?"

Angie: well it's not something written...more like give me a person and I'll say their relationship status!!! It's really fun

Kokichi: me to Ranatro

Angie: ship and also bro OTP more, because Ouma has more chemistry with Saihara  and Kiibo, or even Yumeno in a few cases

_Miu Iruma has logged on._

_Gonta Gokuhara has logged on._

_Ryoma Hoshi has logged on._

_Maki Harukawa has logged on_.

Miu: tbh I actually agree with Angie 100% on that one

Kaito: wtf how do you just jump into convo like that?

Miu: talent

Kaede: Shuichi and I!

Shuichi: why...

Kaede: come on I'm interested!!

Angie: heh :p definitely one of my OTPs. Your chemistry is strong but you're also a great dynamic duo so like, platonic friend goals in another case if you prefer

Kaede: aw yes!

Kaede: I'm like Watson and he's like Sherlock!

Kokichi: honestly, I'm not sure if that's friendzoning or not

Rantaro: if Shirogane was here she'd definitely say not considering she ships every guy with every guys that interact with each other

Kokichi: like us~

Shuichi: thanks Kaede... and Angie I guess

Gonta: Gonta and his friends!

Kaito: how do you even...nevermind just never mind

Angie: in my case, Gonta you're too good for everyone else

Kokichi: that's offensive

Miu: is it me or is Angie speaking in first person for some reason?

Maki: So. Angie can I ask you one?

Angie: of course!

Maki: What about Ouma and Trash?

Miu: I love how she capitalized trash

Kokichi: Hey!

Angie: hmm that's definitely one of my top tens ;~>

Ryoma: What in the fuck is that emoji?

_Tenko Chabashira has logged on._

Kaito: it never says online anymore!

Kokichi: Well...Angie...you suck

Angie: u swallow

Miu: WHAT THE HELLSBDOWN OMG

Tenko: Good one Angie!

Miu: Isnjwndbd I can't believe she said that

Gonta: Why would you suck instead of swallowing?

Miu: ISHEJ I HATE THIS

Kaede: STOP

Kaede: Gonta, just ignore them pls I don't have enough energy

Kokich: not enough energy for the succ?

Kokichi: don't worry I can substitute her Saihara~

Shuichi: FUCK OFF

Rantaro: he cracked

Kaede: I'm

Kaede: Ouma why are you like this!!?!?

Kokichi: like what? Better at it than you? Mad skillz

Miu: Im can't breath

Kokichi: neither can I when I look at him <3

Ryoma: Your grammar always amuses me.

Kaede: Watch your back Ouma -_-

Kokichi: I'll watch your boyfriend then

Miu: WHY OSJWKJDNW

Kaede: I'm so done

Shuichi: I...really don't know what to say right now

Miu: this has been the funniest thing that has happened to me. ever

Kaito: did Ouma just admit to being a bottom?

Miu: IT GETS WORSE

Kokichi: shut up space boy

Angie: What a great friendship building exercise!!

_Korekiyo Shingujii has logged on._

Korekiyo: Good day everyone.

Ryoma: Hey.

Tenko: Tenko knew Ouma was a bottom, so obvious

Maki: Yeah, I second that. Just look at him.

Miu: fuck I imagined him top

Korekiyo: A nice conversation I walked into.

Kokichi: and how many times have you imagined that Iruma?

Kokichi: fuck y'all I was about to propose a fun game

Rantaro: we have a lot of 'fun games' around here

Kaede: yeah someone's gonna die eventually

Kaito: Shirogane already did

Gonta: Oh no! :0

_Kiibo has come online._

Kiibo: guys!! The ultimate programmer put a new function in me!

Miu: damnit

Miu: fucking fujisaki

Shuichi: what is it Kiibo?

Kiibo: I can now do search results from everything you guys say!

Kaede: oh no...

Rantaro: and what do you mean by that?

Kiibo: if someone says something then I immediately search it to find out what means

Miu: FUCK

Kiibo: A curse word, often short for fucking. Can be sexual or to express irritation. 

Kaede: NO

Kiibo: A word used to deny things.

Kaito: Fujisaki either made a bad choice or the best

Kokichi: Ass

Kiibo: Someone's butt or used to describe a jerk.

Maki: Really Ouma?

Kiibo: A term that is often used to show disappointment that everyone is never surprised by.

Kokichi: bae why

Gonta: Fanfiction!

Gonta: Gonta still doesn't understand this! :(

Maki: You really don't want to.

Kaito: wait how do you know?

Kiibo: When taking fictional concepts and creating a story out of them.

Gonta: Fun!

Rantaro: that beside, I think we may need to filter these convos more now because Tojo, Akamatsu, and Harukawa will kill us

Maki: We should have done this before.

Kaede: aaaaaaagreed. Let's keep it PG 13 from now on.

Miu: it's always PG 13 with your favorite inventor!

Ryoma: Right.   
  


 

Everyone has logged on. **(I'm so lazy.)**

Kokichi: game time bitches

Kokichi: everyone be the opposite of who you are

Ryoma: No.

Kokichi: you failed already :(

Maki: No one is going to be someone they're not. That's your thing.

Kokichi: yeah okay you failed too

Rantaro: hey you know what's a fun game?

_Rantaro Amami has kicked Kokichi Ouma from the group chat._

Miu: LMFAO

Kaede: wow...Amami I love you

Rantaro: yeah no problem...he's been getting on my nerves

Rantaro: I'm really suspicious

Rantaro: with Shirogane dead and all...

Shuichi: why do we keep saying she's dead?

Angie: Ouma's messaging Angie, saying he's going to cry for a whole week if no one adds him back

Ryoma: You're finally speaking in canon?

Shuichi: Canon?

Kiibo: Kanon? The one who looks like Akamatsu?

Kaito: Canon camera?

Himiko: okay stop. I heard the wall crack and I'm leaning on it right now

**(GET IT?????)**

Himiko: he messaged me too...smh to think I'd fall for that

Tenko: yeah! Yumeno is stronger than that!

Tenko: What a stupid thing for that piece of trash to think

Maki: Everyone just ignore him.

Kaito: wait did Kaede say I love you to Amami? Did anyone else catch that?

Shuichi: yeah...she did

Rantaro: I get all the ladies B)

Tenko: stfu that's my thing

Tenko: tryna steal Tenko's harem...

Rantaro: already have ;)

Kaede: No, I was really happy he got rid of Ouma. He's been irritating me too, messaging me about weird things then pleading for me to help get Tojo to cook him food for a week

Kirumi: Which will never happen if I must say.

Ryoma: Hmm. He has been a bit pushy lately.

Rantaro: that's why I'm suspicious

Rantaro: I don't trust this at all

Shuichi: well...whatever it is I need him to leave me alone, seriously

Shuichi: I only have so much patience at times

Miu: getting confident Sherlock? I like it, I like it a lot

Kaito: back off that's Akamatsu's man

Kaede: what!!!

Himiko: ugh, sorry guys

_Himiko Yumeno has added Kokichi Ouma back into the conversation._

Kokichi: Thanks babe

Tenko: watch. Yourself.

Shuichi: Yumeno why?

Kokichi: aw I thought you wanted me back ;-;

Angie: ugly ass emoticon

Korekiyo: I don't think that that was the best idea Yumeno.

Himiko: I have my reasons...don't take this kindness for granted Ouma

Kokichi: don't worry I gotcha! Love never breaks anything

Himiko: anddddd it starts again

_Himiko Yumeno has removed Kokichi Ouma from the group chat._

Himiko: it was weird while it lasted

Tenko: yes Yumeno!!!!

Kaede: I was trying not to curse him out so I didn't say anything

Rantaro: haha, well, you know, haha, haha, I just found out that, haha, he's, haha, going, haha, to die, haha

Kaito: what happened?

Rantaro: **haha**

_Rantaro Amani has logged off._

Miu: wOAH

Miu: something going down in ranger town

Kiibo: Could not identify expression.

Kaito: yeah wth

Ryoma: Don't bother to. I'm warning you for your own sake.

Kiibo: Iruma! Are you okay?

Miu: well, not really

Maki: Iruma, I suggest you take a nap.

Maki: It's what helps my children when they're upset, or not feeling normal.

Maki: And you seem to be at the same maturity age.

Miu: fuck you too Harukawa

Kaito: Isn't it cute how she says 'my children'?

_Maki Harukawa has removed Kaito Momota from the group chat._

Tenko: are we all removing boys from the group chat now?

_Tenko Chabashira has removed Korekiyo Shingujii from the group chat._

Angie: why him ;0

Tenko: Tenko has her reasons.

Himiko: I really won't argue with that one

_Tenko Chabashira has removed Rantaro Amami from the group chat._

Tenko: speaks in code and Tenko hates when guys do that

 _Tenko Chabashira has removed Shuichi_ Saihara _from the group chat._

Tenko:tdek why

Kaede: ah!

Maki: Tdek?

Tenko: Tenko Doesn't Even Know why

Miu: wow

_Tenko Chabashira has removed Ryoma Hoshi from the group chat._

Tenko: ok he literally killed people before all this

Tenko: also Kiibo and Gonta are the only ones allowed to stay, Tenko thinks they're OKAY

Gonta: Thank you!

Kiibo: thanks :D

Maki: Momota messaged me, saying that he thinks he deserves to be here because he's rarely guy like.

Tenko: And what did you say to that?

Maki: I blocked him.

Miu: LOL

Tenko: good. 

 

 

_Kaito Momota has updated his status: who cares about girls?!_

Shuichi Saihara: well I know you're vague messaging Harukawa, but she blocked you so she can't see this anyway

Kaito Momota: fuck seriously

Kokichi Ouma: SAIHARA BABE TELL KAEDE TO ADD ME BACK

Shuichi Saihara: they kinda won't add any guys rn

Kaito Momota: lets make our own group chat!

Ryoma Hoshi: No. Please.

Kokichi Ouma: YES   
  


 _Kaito Momota has added Shuichi_ Saihara _, Kokichi Ouma, Rantaro Amami, Ryoma Hoshi, Korekiyo Shingujii,_ Gonta Gokuhara _, and_ Kiibo _to the group chat._

Kaito: there

Kaito: boys chat bc who needs girls

Kiibo: oh!! Haha nice...

Gonta: Great group chat...!

Kokichi: wow they kicked you two as well? They are cruel

Kiibo: haha yeah...

Shuichi: this is...useless

Ryoma: ^

Kokichi: shut up cynical weirdos

Kaito: yeah! Let's do guy stuff and have fun

Gonta: what is 'guy stuff' ?

Kiibo: Stuff that guys do.

Kiibo: what a descriptive description!

Shuichi: is he being sarcastic bc I can't tell

_Rantaro Amami has logged on._

Rantaro: damn they removed me

Rantaro: guys chat

Rantaro: really Momota?

Rantaro: also Ouma you're dead to me

Kokichi: what why

Kaito: Amami chill pls

Rantaro: hmmmmmm why? why do you ask? how's shirogane? 

Kokichi: WHAT WE HAVE ISN'T EXCLUSIVE IF YOU WANNA JOIN

Kaito: what the fuck 

Rantaro: no I don't want to join

Kokichi: how'd you even find out? did you hack me again? 

Rantaro: I had a little help from a frienddddd

Rantaro: named shinguuji

Korekiyo: Hello. 

Kokichi: mothERFUCKER

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stuck in the mountains still


	7. Tenko fucking kills the boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what you call a shitty filler, kids

 

Kokichi Ouma has updated his status: For those of you wondering, Shirogane accident fell down a mountain and broke her leg. bitch aint gonna be in touch for a while

Tenko Chabashira: Stop calling her a bitch you piece of trash

Tenko Chabashira: you're a bitch you fucking bitch

Kaede Akamatsu: Tenko please!

Shuichi Saihara: Can't disagree with her though...

Tenko Chabashira: DID I ASK YOU TO AGREE WITH ME YOU BITCH

Miu Iruma: did she fucking lose it or something

Kokichi Ouma: SHE DIDN'T EVEN FALL DOWN A MOUNTAIN LMAO I LIED

_Boys group chat._

_Kaito Momota has logged on._

_Shuichi Saihara has logged on._

_Amami Rantarou has logged on._

_Ryoma Hoshi has logged on._

Kaito: I still don't understand why she blocked me!

Kaito: I mean, it's never gone this long!

Amami: Maybe...She's not into u

KAITO: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Shuichi: why did his name capitalize as well

_Kiibo has logged on._

Kiibo: Iruma's about to hack into the boys chat D:

Kaito: Um, how??!

Kiibo: I do not know...Not like I helped her because she threatened to pull my ahoge or anything...No nothing at all! Hide!

Shuichi: um

_Miu Iruma has logged on._

Kaito: HWAT THE FICK

Miu: The fick? seriously? get a grip

Miu: I'm here to help your sorry asses

Miu: Maki totally forgot about you btw, that's why she forgot to unblock you

KAITO: LIAR

Shuichi: seriously, does anyone notice that?

Kiibo: Oh hi Iruma...What a surprise to see you here...!

_Kokichi Ouma has logged on._

Kokichi: TENKO TRIED KILLING ME, I ALMOST DIED

Amami: heh he might be telling the truth this time

Kiibo: Ouma are you okay! Do you need assistance?!

Kokichi: oh yes definitly~

Miu: oy, shut the fuck up for a second, will you? I'm trying to read the chat logs

Kaito: you can read the chat logs?!

Shuichi: shit...

Amami: Hows the girls chat Iruma, gay as usual?

Miu: shut UP!

Miu: damn it!

Miu: I'm going to kill Kiibo!

Kiibo: why me?! has this turned into a bully Kiibo session all of a sudden!?

Kokichi: As a matter of fact...

Ryoma: Iruma? Seriously? Jeez.

Miu: HAVE A PROBLEM SHORT DICK

Ryoma: ...

Amami: don't respond

Shuichi: pls....

Kaito: that's it I'm going to her house

_Kaito Momota has logged off._

Kokichi: yikes!! lol

Kokichi: anyway

Kokichi: shirogane found out that you found out and now she's avoiding all this

Amami: oh why? I'm not mad at her

Shuichi: you're a terrible liar, worse than Ouma

Kokichi: excuse ME

Miu: haha shirogane really FUCKED YOU HUH

Amami: keep phrasing it that way...keep doing that Iruma -_-

Kiibo: did anyone think...he sounded a bit like he was urging her there...Just an observation...

Shuichi: Kiibo please don't do this

Shuichi: I any can't take anymore sexual jokes

Miu: WEAK

 

 

_Girls chat._

_Kaede Akamatsu has logged on._

_Tenko Chabashira has logged on._

_Himiko Yumeno has logged on._

_Kirumi Tojo has logged on._

Kaede: hey...shouldn't we let the boys back soon?

Kaede: I mean it's been a week...

Tenko: I like it this way though, only girls.

Tenko: and Gonta and Kiibo...

Tenko: bc Kiibo doesn't even have a gender, he's a robot

Tenko: and Gonta is Gonta so...

Himiko: Yeah...Those boys are noisy

Kirumi: Ouma is bugging me quite a lot though. It's becoming harder and harder not to block him.

Kaede: eh...maybe just Saihara? I mean he's a good guy...

Tenko: NO!!

Tenko: I don't trust him...

Kaede: um...

Himiko: eh I have no problem with him personally...

Kirumi: He hasn't bothered me so far.

Tenko: I...!

Tenko: FINE!!

Tenko: But no more, okay? I can't handle it!

Kaede: Thank you so much!!!

_Kaede Akamatsu has added Shuichi Saihara into the group chat._

Shuichi: shit...again

Himiko: welcome to the girl's chat, gurl

Kaede: we made an exception for you!

Kaede: though you better thank Tenko...

Tenko: don't

Tenko: speak

Tenko: to me.

Shuichi: er okay...

Shuichi: Iruma hacked into the boys chat by the way

Miu: TRAITOR! 

Shuichi: what how

Kaede: Iruma you were online this whole time?!?!

Kirumi: It appears so...Iruma how did you get into the boys chat? 

Miu: that sexy robot Kiibo

Miu: I wanted to see the dirty shit they posted in there but

Miu: literally all they do is mope! and it's mostly Kaito whining about Maki, and Ouma threatening everyone and being himself

Himiko: sounds like shit

Miu: ikr!

Miu: I'm leaving that hellhole

Miu: someone get Maki to unblock Momota because he's gonna be more depressed than fucking Hoshi

Tenko: no way! Maki doesn't need to be friends with that cretin on Facebook ever again if she doesn't want to!

Kaede: harsh!

_Maki Harukawa has logged online._

Maki: Talking about me, Iruma? 

Miu: hOLY FUCK SHE'S EVIL

Miu: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME DEMON

Maki: You never fail to be an idiot do you? 

Maki: I did unblock Momota, but he clearly never noticed because he's just crying over it all the time. 

Maki: It's his own undoing. 

Tenko: I...I can abide by that Maki!

Maki: Thanks...?

Shuichi: no one ever add Ouma back here...please

Tenko: trust me, that's never happening 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHOGE WAS AUTOCORRECTED TO IPHONE BY GRAMMERLY THANKS GRAMMERLY

**Author's Note:**

> so sorry


End file.
